In a workshop I gave recently, we superficially discussed on attachment in relations. Now I want to tell you more on this regard. That day a friend mentioned that “love hurts”. “Love doesn’t hurt. Addiction does. Love is free”, I replied.
Attachment is not love. It’s true we want to share more time with the object of our affection, but love is freedom too. Love is being happy of our beloved one’s happiness in spite of not being with us. We feel glad that he or she are not needy beings and so aren’t we.
A needy person is a someone who looks outside everything he or she can find within, yet ignores how to do it. A needy person usually seeks to fill an internal void.
Let’s not confuse love with attachment. Love can transform in a commitment for living together, for sharing things in common, sharing joint projects… there can be a fellowship and therefore the mutual commitment becomes an accompaniment if desired and consensual. Love accepts each person as he or she is. Bonds are decisions that are not always related to love. If you don’t give to yourself the love you give to the other, then that love is not real.
Attachment is based on selfish beliefs more related to needing. Attachment and dependence are more similar to slavery than love. We stop being free by choice and intend to take freedom from the other. We are responsible for our addiction and dependence situations. But as well as we created them, we can change them too.
Attachment and dependence are more linked to domain, oppression, subjugation, and the yoke. It is not based on trust but on fear. When we depend on someone we live with fear.
Attachment is rooted in our fear of loneliness, to beliefs of no merit and worthlessness. Love springs from the love to oneself. It’s the only way to love others. If you have love in your heart, you will find all hearts full of love
Attachment and dependence are healed through love for oneself. If that love is not accomplished because we do not feel it, nor we not value ourselves, we must then begin to heal our inner child. There is where our wounds of abandonment, loneliness, abuse, as well as all our memories of being lovable, and valuable lie.
There’s no need to change of partner. What you need to change is your attitude, your decisions and especially you need to love yourself. The place to correct is not out. It is through you that the change in your life will occur. Start loving your inner child, to pamper and provide security to it.
Remember that whatever is out is just a reflection of yourself, your beliefs. You create and attract whatever that is within yourself.
The one who needs to change is you. You’re the cause. The world and your relations will be the effect. Therefore, they will be transformed too. Now, change the concept you have of yourself with no expectations and you will experience miracles.
Don’t be afraid of change. Change is an automatic function of existence. There’s nothing to do to avoid change. Adaptation to change and detachment go together. Resisting will only bring suffering instead. Welcome change with trust and everything will go just fine.
You’re the carterpillar to become a butterfly. Do like her: Let go of all detachment to welcome the new.
If you give yourself as much love as the love you expect from the outside you will stop feeling dependent and therefore let go of any addiction and dependence.
The water purifies by flowing.
I love you.
Jocelyne Ramniceanu
English Version: María Eugenia Acero Colomine.
Learn more about love without dependence on my book “Magical Words”,
http://www.jocelyneramniceanu.com/
Jocelyne Ramniceanu 